So, these past two weeks I’ve had a new symptom with my anxiety….apparently I’m clenching my teeth at night. My boyfriend told me that he heard me grinding my teeth while I was sleeping more than once during those past two weeks. I just started a new job, found out about it as soon as my boyfriend told me that I was grinding my teeth, so we’re thinking it’s just nerves from that. I’m hoping that once I’ve gotten used to my job that I won’t be clenching/grinding my teeth. Since I do have body issues, my smile is one of the things that I do like about myself and I’d rather not mess that up…especially due to my anxiety.
These past two weeks have been a little on the crazy side with my anxiety. I made my boyfriend come with me into the bathroom twice in the same week because I thought I was going to vomit, I woke him up in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t eat for about a day. I really do believe my hormones have something to do with my anxiety rising.
My boyfriend is really good when it comes to making sure I’m okay, calming me down, and letting me know that I can do this. My anxiety is higher around him though. Not because he brings me anxiety, but more so because I’m afraid that it’s going to act up and it’s going to ruin our time together. He lets me know that it wouldn’t, but that’s the problem with anxiety. We think it even if they tell you that your thoughts are wrong. He does his best to make sure I know that, but sometimes my anxiety is too strong.
I’m hoping with this new job that getting into a routine will help lessen my anxiety, but we’ll find out.
I’m also hoping that sooner rather than later my anxiety around Jon will go from “don’t have a panic attack cause you’ll ruin the day” to “it’s okay to have a panic attack cause he will help you through it” when I’m around Jon and his family. I know it takes time, but thankfully Jon knows that too.
We’ve also talked about going back on my medicine, but not in the way you think. We both said that the idea of giving it a year will be a good idea. Even on the medicine, I still had panic attacks. Granted, they didn’t show up as much as they have been these past two months. However, I feel like this happens to people and it just takes time. I just have to remember that along with the fact that it’s okay to have a panic attack around people and you won’t be ruining anyone’s day.