When Did This Happen?

These past few day haven’t been the greatest. My stomach isn’t what it used to be when it comes to digesting ice cream and well I had a little bit too much of it while I was out. Needless to say, it put me back a bit. I’m using my coping mechanisms to try and get past this. I’m trying to tell myself it’s just my anxiety, that it will pass, things always get better, etc. However, this anxiety seems to like to trick me. I can calm it for a few minutes, maybe even an hour, and then all of a sudden it comes back and it’s like “Surprise! I tricked you!”

I hate it. I try to get passed this, try to not worry, but it’s easier said than done. What I’ve been trying to think of though is how did this happen? I’ve had stomach aches before, many times, and I’ve felt sick before. I never had anxiety over that before, but all of sudden I do now. I really don’t know what happened to cause me to be like this. I’m not sure if it’s the getting sick feeling that has me worried or if it is the whole I’m going to ruin plans because I’m not feeling well. It might be a mixture of both. I know no one is going to hate me if I cancel plans because I feel like I’m going to vomit, but that doesn’t make it easier for me cause my anxiety doesn’t let me do that (or maybe that’s my heart that doesn’t let me do that).

I know that things will get better, I will get passed this, but right now it’s hard. I’ve done so many things though this weekend that I know I wouldn’t have been able to do (say when I first started treating my anxiety). I went to the mall instead of choosing to stay somewhere closer to home, I went to the movies instead of not going because I was afraid I might have to leave halfway through, and I’ve spent time with people that I haven’t had an anxiety attack in front of yet.

I’m pushing myself and I’m proud of that. I think I’ll be better in a week. Usually when a bad attack like this happens, where I freak out and cry, it takes a bit longer for me to fully get over. I know I’ll be fine, eventually, cause I’ve had a lot worse than this.

I’m trying not to focus on the whole wondering where this worry of being sick came from, since I’m not really supposed to question why my anxiety is showing up. However, I sometimes can’t help but try to put the pieces together.


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