It seems my anxiety wants to stay with me for a long weekend. It started yesterday and I tried to ignore it a bit. Not ignoring it where I didn’t say, “It’s just your anxiety, you’ll be fine,” but ignoring it as the way of not questioning why my anxiety is here. Well today I know why it’s here. I’m nervous for tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’m going into New York and I’m meeting Jon’s grandmother. Now, the latter doesn’t scare me that much. Grandmas are usually awesome. The part that has me worried is worrying about my anxiety paying me a visit while I’m there. I know worrying about this is going to cause my anxiety to show up, so it’s not doing me any favors. I’m doing my best to challenge the negative thoughts and say that tomorrow it’s going to be a great day, that we’re not going to have any problems, and that I’m just being silly. I’m telling myself too that I am going to force myself to get out that door and go because I know it will be worse if I don’t. Jon is going to be there too, so I know I have someone to lean on.
I talked to Jon’s mom yesterday and told her a little bit about my anxiety, so at least she knows and wasn’t judging me. I didn’t think she would (but you never know when it comes to anxiety). So, to help my piece of mind, I’m going to write down my negative thinking.
- Am I falling into a thinking trap?
I definitely am. I am using my past experience at a restaurant to make me worry about this. This is also a long distance away from home, so I’m thinking that just because it’s further away the anxiety will be worse. When I know, in reality, I could just have as bad as anxiety attack at the library down the street.
- What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?
The evidence of that this is true is past experience while out and the past few days where I haven’t had much of an appetite. The evidence that this is not true is the two times that I went out to eat that I was fine (the one time even great).
- Have I confused a thought with a fact?
I have. I don’t know for a fact that I’m not going to be well. I don’t know for a fact that I’m not going to be able to eat.
- What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?
That things will be okay. Not going is going to make it worse, cause you’re going to feel bad about yourself. If you can’t eat, than that’s okay. If you have to excuse yourself, that’s okay. If you have to drive with the window down a bit, that’s okay. You’re going to have Jon there and people that are going to understand, so you’re not going to be alone. No one is going to be judging you for your actions. You need to focus on you and not worry about what anyone else may or may not think.
- What would a friend say about my thought?
They would most likely say the things above. At least I would hope that they would.
- Am I 100% that my anxiety will interfere with tomorrow? (Insert your own issue after that)
I am not. I feel like they might, but I don’t know for sure.
- How many times has this happened before?
It only happened once that Jon and I had to leave where we were eating and that was due to just switching your medicine.
- Is this so important that my future depends on it?
I don’t think it does. I know it’s going to be hard to go out there again, if it does happen, but I know that it won’t stop me. I’m going to keep going.
- What’s the worst that could happen?
The worst that could happen is that I get sick. Once that is over, I usually feel better so in the end, I’ll be fine.
- If it did happen, what could I do to cope with or handle it?
I would say sorry about a million times to anyone that is checking up on me or is with me, but I would eventually be able to get back to the party.
- Is my judgement based on the way I feel instead of facts?
It’s my judgement based on how I feel. Right now, I feel anxious, which makes me think that I’m going to be anxious tomorrow.
- Am I confusing possibility with certainty? It may be possible, but is it likely?
I am confusing the too. It might be likely, considering how I’ve been feeling. However, if I continue to think positive I don’t think it will be likely.
- Is it a hassle or a horror?
I think it’s a horror, but deep down I know it’s just a hassle.