Well, since Thursday, I’ve been going out everyday and things have gotten better since Friday. Thursday and Friday were tough, but so far I haven’t had that “Omg, I’m going out and I have to worry about having a panic attack” feeling when I’m going out. Thursday, I went to therapy. Friday, I went to pick up dinner with my dad. Saturday, Jon and I went to the mall and the back to his house to play some video games. Sunday, I went with my dad to Home Depot and Target (horrible places to go on the weekend might I add). Today, I went to Rite Aid and Barnes and Nobles with my mom (where they were playing Lady Gaga the whole time I was there and I was in heaven).
You might be asking why I’m going places with people. Well, that’s the main cause of my anxiety. Going places with people. My anxiety is caused by not feeling well, but it gets more out of control when I’m with people because I have to cancel whatever we’re doing. That makes me feel worse. If I’m out by myself, I can leave when I want to, I can take it as slow as I want to, and I don’t have to go far if I don’t want to. Being out with someone kind of pushes it.
After Saturday, which hopefully I’ll be okay then and for the rest of the week, I do plan on not going out one day. I am not someone that goes out all the time. I don’t go out everyday and my bed is one of my favorite places. As much as I hate not being able to go outside when I want to, I hate having to go out everyday if I want to have a lazy day (especially when it’s that time of the month).
Like right now, my stomach right now doesn’t feel that great and I feel like I’m a bit lightheaded. I can easily calm myself down. Granted, I’m at home, but I can focus on me and letting my anxiety just flow. I have a feeling I’m going to have to go back on this medicine, at least half of the pill. I want to be positive, but it’s hard when you just don’t feel like yourself and that’s all you want to do, to feel like yourself and be able to do the things you used to do a few months ago. I’d rather not go back on it, but again, I want to live my life.